Too many open tabs just to find the information. (Sigh)

The amount of workload is so overwhelming. I have to juggle between school work and tutoring. I don't know why am I so stressed this few days. Maybe it's because I am not used to it yet. Considering this being my final year in school, the amount of school work and final year project is just too overwhelming. I know it's just the 3rd week of school but too many things is in store for me. I hope I could manage my time properly and not be too stressed out. On top of that, personal problems as well.This is so depressing. I hope August will come soon although that would mean that I have to go through a million things before August. I am anticipating my 21st Birthday although it will mean having to wait for a year. I just want to pack up my stuffs and go on a gateway alone all by myself for a few months. I just want to dissapear from everyone's lives for once and see who will actually miss me. I doubt none because I am always a burden in everyone's eyes. 

Outfit of the day :) 

Camwhore :)

Was served by Grace.

Chicken Soup

7 different types of cheese.

Finally done with my portion. After about 1h plus. That long.

Found this at a shop near City Hall. Colours that describe me. (Pink & Red)

Anyway, thanks Syidah for going out with me. Really felt better after going out. I konw I will be so depressed at home. Although it was just a short meet up, the time I spent outside has made me felt better. Yay. :)

XOXO

Okay got it. Everyone is able to crush my feelings without thinking about the consequnces. Everyone is able to do whatever they want to hurt me indirectly or directly. Okay. Got it. I always think it is me. But really, I think it's no longer me, the problem. It is you, insensitive people who make me what I am today. Thank you for crushing my feelings time and again. I don't know if I am strong enough to swallow it anymore. But I will just pretend. At least I could look into the mirror with a clear conscious than guilt. At least I am true to myself. At least I think a million times before saying anything. Before doing anything that could bleed anyone's heart. That could rapture your feelings. Ok got it. For now till forever, let's pretend everything is fine. Let's pretend that I've never been hurt. Let's pretend that everyone is right. Everyone has the right to hurt anyone they like. And it is sinful for me to hurt anyone. Okay got it. I am just nothing to anyone's eyes. I am just an option. I am just not inportant. Okay got it. I give up.

I should grow up, stop being so childish and whiny over every single thing from now on. I should not be a problem to anyone. I am turning 20 soon, no longer a teenager. The least I could do is not being a problem to anyone anymore. Okay got it. What a problematic mind I have. I should just... The problem is, I don't really know what I should do. Thus, the problem lies within me, unsolved.

"Be happy for no reason, like a child. If you are happy for a reason, you’re in trouble, because that reason can be taken from you."

I hate when people ask me why am I always so happy. So when I say I am happy for no reason, they will look at me with astonishment. Really, do I really need a reason? I don't want to be robbed of my happiness. I rather have no reason than a million reasons because that million reasons could be taken away from me, eventually. Of course I am not always a happy person. I feel sad at times. I feel angry, dissapointed, stressed, depressed but when I am surrounded by people, I will try my best to stay happy without any reasons. So stop asking me why am I always smiling and laughing at every single thing I say. 

 

Updates on last Friday, badminton with the cliques and out with Erma.

And after which, went out with Erma. :) She is now in a relationship with me, on facebook. Yay. :)

Had my first virgin lunch at Thai Express. I don't know if it's Halal or not but oh well... Blame me for not being able to control my temptation. Thai Express has successfully managed to seduced me. -.-  But the service was bad. (Sigh). 

My first virgin attempt to Victoria Secret. Major dissapointment because the store was erm... boring.

For now, I could only drool at how awesome Victoria Secret store is in the States. (Sigh). Managed to but body mist which cost $21 when I could get it less than $20 online. I just want the paper bag. HAHAHA. It's so pink and so cute, righhhtttt? :P

Did a little bit of shopping. (A little bit only).

Reached home pretty late.Close to 12 I guess. And when it gets too late, I will get too paranoid. So, I literally float myself home from the bus stop. -.-''  I should stop being paranoid in crowded and isolated places. My mind will run wild. Yes, I will think of the most ridiculous things on earth. Like, in isolated places, I will think that someone holding a knife is watching me and is following me. -.-'' And when in crowded places, I will imagine that everyone is monsters/zombies. -.-'' 

Something about guys that I will never ever comprehend. They are just too complicated. I mean they could wake up one morning without having any feelings for the girl they have confessed to. I really don't understand. I mean how could you be so cruel? If you really love the girl, why must you do this? I mean, you would have to go through shits and rejections before you could even get to know more about the girl. And when the girl is able to accept you and open up to you, why must you torture her? I really don't understand. I tried to but I just can't. Because firstly, how could your feelings for someone immediately vanished out of nowhere? It doesn't make any sense. Even if you two had a tiff, it doesn't make any sense to end the relationship (whatever r/s you two had). Of course, unless the other party cheated behind you or just did something extremely terrible. But then again, the memories you two had would be too overpowering for you to even end it just like that. Am I right? I don't know. That's just how I feel.

So guys, please do not confess to girls that you love her if you are unsure about it. Please do not make us, girls feel like shit time and again. It sucks. It really does sucks. Because of you guys, most girls lost faith in guys. They turned into Lesbians, remain single for life and friendzoned all guys. And you guys, will always question us again why? You wanna know the answer? Because we are sick and tired of getting hurt over and over again. It's ike a viscious cycle. From strangers to friends to good friends to couples to enemies and strangers again. And when this happen, all you guys could ever say is " Can we still be friends?" Seriously. Are you kidding all the girls in the world? It is sucky enough to act as if nothing is wrong when the girl has every right to break down. And you are asking the impossible, remain friends? What a joke. 

Girls are not Barbie dolls. You never ever say that the girl is beautiful today and the next day, having no feelings for her anymore. We are not dolls. We have flaws and if you can't handle that, do not ever utter such confessions and leave her hanging.

The point is, I am sick and tired of hearing girls complaining about guys. Seriously. Guys, if you ever meet a good girl, please do not break her heart. Please do not make her feel like shit anymore. Please do not make her hold onto the perception that every guy is the same. Really. I just can't comprehend what guys actually wants.

When they meet a wild/bitchy girl, why does it seems that they will fight for her till his last breath? But when they meet a good girl, they will just treat her like shit? Really, I just don't understand.

It doesn't make any sense. This is just too confusing.

I am not saying that I am good. Well, compared to other girls, I am considered good because firstly, to begin with, my name means 'a loyal/faithful companion'. So why, tell me why hasn't anyone fought for me all these while? 

Met up with Felicia, Amanda and Sin Wai earlier to buy a gift for Fiona. We then head to Fiona's house and started off by playing "Game of Life". 

From top left: Felicia,Sin Wai, Fiona, Mine and Amanda. 

After we are done with game, we had to draw something onto the ping pong ball. Seriously, mine is like the ugliest. 

My drawing was supposed to be like this: 

But it turned out to look like this instead: 

Yes, it looks disfigured. :(

While playing the game.

Had steamboat

Promoting our 'balls' -.-''

And lastly, birthday girl with birthday cake. :)

Am really gonna miss them because we had spent a lot of time together during secondary school days. Now, we hardly have any time together because of our busy schedule. Till we meet again during next holiday. :)

XOXO

So, erm, probably no one will read this because the title of the post is depresing enough. I am aware that everyone is capable of hurting anyone. You just have to choose who is worthy enough to hurt you. But then again, life is too complicated because there's a quote that reminds us 'If the person really love you, he/she will never hurt you.' How ironic. First, they say that everyone is capable of hurting you, then, they twist and turn their words into a whole different quotation. What a quote. 

Sometimes I wish life is beautiful enough. Sometimes I wish there's no worry to life. Sometimes I wish people could just put themselves into other people's shoes when they utter hurtful words. Don't you think it's not hurtful? Sure, when we are mad, we tend to say words we don't mean. But sometimes, when we are mad, those hurtful words are the words that we have been dying to say. How ironic. 

And sometimes, that hurtful words are the words that people like me will breathe into and be reminded of. Yes, I always remember every single hurtful words that people have ever uttered to me. And it just makes my life much more depressing. But that's the way I am. I can't change me. I tried to. I tried to forget about everything hurtful anyone has ever said or done to me but I just can't. I tried very hard. I just can't. I just can't, anymore.

I will probably delete this post when I re-read it again in the future because I always end up feeling a million times emotional. For now,